Behind Closed Doors

By Susan Somogyi Wells

Shame is a powerful emotion, lurking in the shadows of our minds, influencing our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It can often stem from childhood experiences and continue into harsh judgments of ourselves as adults. It leaves us feeling flawed or unworthy. However, therapy offers a path to break the silence on shame, helping shed its burden and re-establish a healthier relationship with oneself.

Shame can lie at the core of many emotional and mental health challenges. An extreme self-critical view traps us in a cycle of negativity and self-blame, damaging emotional and mental health, along with our sense of self. Shame distorts thinking, leading us to interpret our thoughts or feelings as inherently wrong or bad and that no one else has similar thoughts or feelings. The result is feeling different than others, disconnected, and ultimately lonely.

In therapy, a compassionate and objective professional provides a safe space for individuals to explore and understand their shame. Unlike friends or family, who may inadvertently offer advice or judgments, a therapist remains non-biased and supportive. This professional relationship allows clients to view their past behaviors and current struggles with greater context, empathy, and understanding, rather than punishment and self-criticism. This shift is crucial for releasing the grip of shame and beginning the journey to self-forgiveness.

Therapists use various techniques to help address shame, such as asking insightful questions designed to guide you to your own answers. The goal is to help you shed the layers of shame that distort your thinking and replace it with a clearer understanding of yourself. Bringing shame out of the shadows is the first step in building self-esteem and improving your relationships with yourself and others.

The right therapist can help break the silence of shame. This is perhaps one of the most powerful outcomes of therapy, which can positively impact your overall well-being. Uncovering your shame requires taking risks and allowing yourself to be vulnerable in therapy. However, breaking free of shame is worth the effort.